In just a few short months, everyone will be leaving for college. None of us will be doing the same thing, which is awesome and freeing- but it’s also terrifying. Our paths probably won’t cross until we come home for breaks. How am I supposed to do it without them? I can barely get through a weekend without them, let alone four months. Everyone’s going to be starting new lives in new places with new people. It’s terrifying to think about leaving your friends and families and the beach and your bedroom and everything else you've always known, but I guess that's life, right? Everything's always changing. Nothing is the same as it was a year ago, and a year from now nothing will be the same as it is now.
So I'm going to live my senior year the best I can, because come August we'll all be saying goodbye and who knows what's going to happen next? Who can say what we’ll be like when we do come home? Who will have changed the most? Who won’t want to hang out anymore? Tooooo many questions.
I. Am. Scared. I haven’t the slightest idea where I want to go or what I want to do for the rest of my life. And I know everyone says “You don’t need to know what you want to do for the rest of your life!” but it sure feels like I do (more on that later). I guess the unknowns are ok for now.
I’m going to live in the present and enjoy all the stupid stuff my friends do, all the laughs we have, and remember what it feels like to be the oldest at school, knowing every time we step foot in those doors we're one day closer to graduating. That's scary and weird and crazy. But I'm so excited. I'm ready. Not ready to say goodbye though. Either way, I want to remember what life is like right now, and remember who I am at this exact moment, because I'll never be the same (cue Camila Cabello).
I wrote this a few days ago sitting in my friend's car at the beach. We were watching the seagulls fly around the parking lot while writing in 99 cent notebooks we had bought at Staples that were to be used as 'senior year journals.' The version in my journal is a little shorter and has a few more curse words, but I thought I'd keep it PG on here. Either way, it's all true. College terrifies me, but on the flip side I can't wait. Senior year is giving me mixed feelings, too: I just want it to be over, but at the same time I want to enjoy every moment of every day.
I have an unbelievable amount of thoughts on college and senior year. And in the last few months I feel like I've realized so much about myself and how I want to live my life, so I want to make sure I write those things down, too.
Let's hope this time I keep writing and don't wait six months to write one blog post!
- evangeline
p.s. happy valentine's day!!
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